


Borderline (May Not Continue)

by LovingTheWater



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut (maybe), Tags will be added if it is necessary, rinharu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:59:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22561381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingTheWater/pseuds/LovingTheWater
Summary: Haru was always lonely.He told lies to himself such as "You are worthless", "You are pathetic", "You don't even exist and if you did everyone would hate you anyway".He wrote everything he felt in his blog.Everything changed when he met Rin Matsuoka from Samezuka Academy.>Will Rin make a change in Haru's life?Will he make Haru's life better, or will he make it upside down?Only time will tell.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka
Comments: 18
Kudos: 23





	1. -1-

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story contains depressive thoughts and self-harm. If you are uncomfortable don't read! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't have anything but plot. 
> 
> I'm sorry for my grammar mistakes. English is not my main language.
> 
> I will explain what Borderline Personality Disorder is at the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru was always lonely.  
> He wrote everything he felt in his blog.  
> Everything changed when he met Rin Matsuoka from Samezuka Academy.  
> Will Rin change Haru's life in a good way or will he turn it upside down? Only time will tell. 
> 
> Warning: This story contains depressive thoughts. If you are uncomfortable don't read! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't have anything but plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is currently being edited.  
> I didn't like the former version.  
> There is no text anymore.

"You could say that about anyone."

"Yeah, right. They have got a disorder for everything these days."

"Everybody gets those symptoms. You are overthinking things."

These were so familiar to Haru. He felt empty as if there was a hole inside of him. He felt like he was nobody. That's why he was trying to fill this emptiness with drugs, alcohol and sex, but nothing was satisfying enough. Nobody understood him and told him these sentences. He was so used to this.

He needed help but he didn't accept. He had so many reasons not to. People would think that he was crazy or he was just seeking for attention or he was just overthinking on simple things.

He was suffering.

It made him feel small and incapable.

It made him feel like he couldn't fight with this.

He got out of his bed. This was a struggle. Taking a shower was a struggle. Looking in the mirror was a struggle. Whenever he looked at the mirror he would see a mess who has unkempt hair and dark bags under his eyes. He had lost so much weight that anyone could see his bones. He hid his deformed body under over-sized clothes.

He was a slut who slept with guys and girls. He was disgusted by himself. He hated himself for the countless times everytime he woke up next to a stranger. He was tainted. He grabbed the razor and made a deep cut. It hurt. It hurt so bad but it was also so satisfying. He loved the feeling. He felt like his pain was flowing away with the red liquid.

He was worthless. His salty tears were trickling down to his chapped lips. He cut his skin again.

No one would care if he had died at this moment. No, people would be just fine without him. Maybe Makoto would cry over him, but then he would just move on. He cut himself again.

That was how Haruka Nanase was before until one thing changes everything.

One day things were out of his control. He blacked out and experienced a strong dissociation alongside with a panic attack. He just stopped breathing and started to cry uncontrollably. He was yelling and throwing things while telling that he was worthless, that he shouldn't have been existed in the first place. Through the tears, he vaguely remembered his friends were staring at him in surprise.

When he awoken from his blackout his friends were obviously freaked out.

It was scary.

It was crazy!

He was surprised that his friends didn't leave him. He felt lucky because he has people who were supporting him.

That was when he decided to get help. He was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. He had been in psychological for more than one year. He hadn't leave his house except for school and for groceries.

He spent his whole day sketching and reading. Most of the times he had to deal with derealization, anxiety and depression. Those things were keeping him sane.

Reaching out was the hardest thing for a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder. It took most of his life and he hurt a lot of people who he cared about. He had burned a lot of bridges. He had lost a lot of people because he couldn't control his anger.

Rin was going to Samezuka Academy. Every morning, while he was going to school, he would see Haru sometimes. It was like Haru was in his world. For some reason Rin found this mysterious guy exciting. However, he never had the courage to talk to him. He was just looking at him while passing by. 

The thing which Rin was scared, his love would have been unrequited. 

Haru was aware that Rin was constantly staring at him, but he choose to act like he wasn't aware, because he was scared. Borderline Personality Disorder was not a simple disease. It was tiring both for him and for the people around him. That's why he was scared of attached to other people. 

They just see each other during their swimming practices, but Haru would rarely communicate with them. 

"Why don't you try to talk to him instead of watching him?" Sousuke asked wrapping his arm around his friend's shoulder. Him and Makoto were dating for a month now and Rin really wished to be brave like Sousuke. 

"What do you suggest me to do then?" Rin asked looking away to hide his blush. 

"Cling to him and prove that you love him. It worked for me and Makoto." Sousuke said. 

Rin grunted. "It only works in movies and stupid fanfictions. If you became clingy to someone in real life, they call the cops." 

"I'm serious. Talk to him and tell him how you feel." Sousuke said. "Or, you will be regret if someone does this before you can make a move." 

This definitely worked. Sousuke knew his best friend really well. "Okay. I will talk to him after school today. Until that time I can think of what I'm going to say."

"Go and get him tiger!" Sousuke encouraged his best friend. 

* * *

After school Rin was really nervous. His heart was beating fast and his palms were sweating. His heart began beating even faster when he saw Haru. As always Haru was not looking around, his gaze was on the ground. Rin picked his courage up. 'It is now or never,' he thought to himself and walked to the love of his life.

Haru looked up to the red haired male who was standing in front of him. The only thing he know about him was his name. "What do you want from me?" 

Haru's rude words caught Rin by surprise. He felt like his tongue was tied up. "I just... I just wanted to talk to you." 

Haru frowned and clutched the stripes of his backpack. "Did you really think that I wouldn't notice if someone was constantly looking at me? Then you must be a complete stupid."

Rin was completely shocked. He didn't expect something like that. 

"I know what you want and what kind of person you are," Haru took a deep breath and continued. "I'm not a toy which you can play whenever you want to fun and throw away when you are bored. Find another toy for yourself." With that Haru walked away without looking back, leaving a broken heart behind. 

However, Rin was determined. When someone really wanted something, they would do everything to have it. Also wasn't that what true love means? Your beloved might be the rudest person in the world or may not love you as much as you love them, but you still do everything for them even if it tears you apart sometimes... 

This was the first heartbreak Rin lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.
> 
> This difficulty can lead to impulsivity, poor self-image, stormy relationships and intense emotional responses to stressors. Struggling with self-regulation can also result in dangerous behaviors such as self-harm (like cutting or burning). 
> 
> Symptoms:  
> Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment by friends and family.  
> Unstable personal relationships that alternate between idealization (“I’m so in love!”) and devaluation (“I hate them”). This is also sometimes known as "splitting."  
> Distorted and unstable self-image, which affects moods, values, opinions, goals and relationships.  
> Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes, such as excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse or reckless driving.  
> Self-harming behavior including suicidal threats or attempts.  
> Periods of intense depressed mood, irritability or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days.  
> Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness.  
> Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger—often followed by shame and guilt.  
> Dissociative feelings—disconnecting from your thoughts or sense of identity or “out of body” type of feelings—and stress-related paranoid thoughts. Severe cases of stress can also lead to brief psychotic episodes.


	2. -2-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstanding changed so many things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!  
> Lol! I'm writing this chapter at 2.37 a.m! Because I couldn't sleep!  
> Thanks for the kudos!  
> Well my grammar is bad and my story may be cheesy! I will try to fix it I promise!  
> By the way, I'm still learning this website! 
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains bad language, self-harm and depressive thoughts. If you are not comfortable or are affected easily, don't read it.

Haru woke up feeling his head was throbbing. It was like someone was hitting with big hammers non-stop. Everything was spinning and everything was hurting. His back, his chest, his neck and his face. He slowly opened his eyes and carefully sat up. He saw what he was exactly expected. He was naked, there were bite marks and bruises all around his body. He looked around. The room was extremely messy. Alcohol bottles were around.

Haru was disgusted by himself again. This time it was more than he already did. 'I have to go,' he told himself. This man must have been really violent since his body was hurting that much. He couldn't hear any noise from shower or kitchen. Well, he didn't really expect that a one night stand will cook something for him. 

He saw his pants and t-shirt were thrown to a corner of the room. He ignored the stinging pain in his body and threw the quilt aside. While he was trying to get out of the bed a hand clutched his wrist and pulled him back. 

"Where do you think you are going you slut?" An unfamiliar voice asked. This voice was hoarse and irritating. Haru could still smell the alcohol. This made him want to throw up. He literally threw Haru back to bed. 

He crawled on top of Haru. Haru felt like his body was going to be crushed because of his weight. He tried to push the man above him. "Let go of me!" He yelled almost breathless. 

The man laughed. "You didn't mind to be fucked by me last night, baby." 

"Stop!" Haru tried to push him again, but the man pinned Haru to the bed. His hold was so tight that it would definitely leave bruises. He didn't want to do this. Yes, he was far from being an innocent person, but touching someone without their permission was nothing but immorality. 

"Oh baby, so you are denying the fact that we had fun last night?" The man grinned. His grin was disgusting and Haru really wanted to slap him across his face. After a few seconds of struggling Haru could save one of his legs and kneed the man in the stomach. 

The man groaned in pain and let Haru's wrists go. Haru tried to punch him, but he grabbed his wrist. He was holding so tight that it was almost going to break. He then slapped Haru. "I thought last night would teach you something, but it seems like I was wrong." 

"Just let go." Haru tried to yank his wrist away. 

The man grabbed Haru by his hair and pulled him closer. "If you be a good boy, I will treat you good, but if you became wild like that, I won't hesitate to turn your life into a living hell." His breath was hitting Haru's face and it was so disgusting. 

Haru pushed the man above him. "Screw you! I'm going!" He got up to grab his clothes. The man held his arm and tried to kiss him. Haru punched him trying to fight him. He eventually managed to push the man away. He immediately put his clothes back on. He needed to get out of that hell hole immediately. 

As he was leaving he heard the man. "If you need some good time, just call." Of course he wouldn't call a man he didn't know what his name is. He kept his usual flat face until he came to a place where there were no houses. 

He bursted into tears. It would end like that almost every day. What if that man killed him? What could he do? He cried all the way to his house. When he arrived to home he unlocked the door with shaken hands. 

The next thing he did was taking his clothes off and tearing them apart. He didn't want to wear these disgusting clothes anymore. He went into the bathtub. He scrubbed his body harshly until his skin turned to red. He didn't want any trail of that disgusting man in his body. 

'You are a slut. This is a part of your life, so you don't have any rights to be ashamed of it.' 

That was true. Haru took the razor, his long time friend. 

'Go to hell. That is where you are belong.' 

Haru cut his wrist. The cut was so deep that it immediately turned the water red. Haru loved seeing this warm, crimson liquid. He was alone in this world after all. There was no one to support him. He felt so empty and there was nothing which could fill this emptiness. It was like there was a sharp pain in his stomach. 

It was like there was a hole inside him and it was slowly getting bigger and bigger. 

That's why he was doing this not because he was a whore. He was just looking for a company to ease this loneliness. However, he would only feel worse and worse every time. 

He stared at the blood which was still flowing down from his wrist. That was the end of his time. This world was not his place and he should not be in there. That's why he was going. Maybe he could fit into the hell. 

There was no one to miss him after all. 

That's why he was going. The bullshits which he went through as a regular basis wouldn't be matter in a few seconds. As the blood was leaking he was also losing his consciousness.

_He opened his eyes when he felt someone was stroking his hair. When he opened his eyes he saw his mother's loving smile. Oh how he missed her so much..._

_"Mom?" Haru asked. "Did you come to take me?"_

_"No, you still have time sweetie." His mother stroked her son's hair. "I'm here to tell you that there is a way out. I know it is hard to believe it right now, but I promise you that there is one. Sometimes all you need to do is to believe that things will going to be better and that you will be okay. If you need help, don't be scared of reaching out."_

_These words did really make Haru feel better. Haru's mother kissed his head one more time before disappearing._

* * *

Haru bandaged his wrists after he took a bath. To his luck it was just a deep cut and he didn't hit the artery. He felt like a robot as he was eating and getting dressed. He was still under the affect of the vision he saw. He went to school keeping his usual flat face. 

He saw the red haired guy who he talked yesterday. Probably he was waiting that Yamazaki guy. At the same time Rin saw him too, but he immediately looked away. 

Haru walked over to him without thinking. What he said almost gave him a heart attack. 

"I'm sorry, I was rude yesterday. If you accept, can we start over?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will not be sweet always! There will be times when they are happy and there will be times they are struggling! Please give me suggestions to make this story better! I need that!  
> (This chapter was edited and I'm currently editing this story. Because I didn't like it's previous version.)


	3. -3-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things started to became messy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than normal.  
> Because it is a transition chapter lol!

After a few minutes, Rin was still speechless. "S-Sure!" He eventually answered. 

"Then, coffee after school as a beginning?" Haru asked.

"Y-Yes..." Rin really wanted to pinch himself to make sure that he was not dreaming. "Well... I need to go to school now." 

"Okay, see you later then." Haru felt like his lips formed into a smile which was surprising for him. Rin waved at Haru and began walking to his school with Sousuke.

While he was listening his classes, Haru noticed that there was an unusual feeling in his stomach. He was thinking over and over how would their meeting would be unavoidably. Haru would rarely be excited for something. He didn't remember the last time he felt like this. Probably he never felt like this. 

* * *

Rin was also thinking about Haru. 

The truth about Rin was he was a playboy. He wouldn't interest in one night stands, but he was way too much flirty. No one had ever refused to date him. Haru got his attention, because he was mysterious and exciting. That was what make him attractive. 

After hours which seemed like days for Rin, the boring school day was finally over. While he was walking to the spot where he was going to meet with Haru, his heart was beating and his palms were sweating. His heart beats became even faster when he saw Haru was walking to him, but he managed to hide his tension. "Hi," he said. 

Haru's lips formed into a smile when he saw Rin. He couldn't focus on his classes that day because he was busy with thinking about the meeting. How was it going to be? How should he behave? He usually wouldn't hang out with friends. Socializing was draining his energy. It was surprising that he actually accepted to hang out with someone other than Makoto. "Hi," he said. 

* * *

They both didn't understand how the time passed. They had such a great time in the cafe. They had something in common: they both loved swimming. They talked about different things for hours. They drank coffee after coffee. They clearly enjoyed each other's company. Haru also felt something else: the emptiness he usually felt was gone. 

It was around eleven in the night when they left the cafe. It was too late for Rin to go back to the dormitory. "Great..." Rin sighed. 

"You can stay over." Haru said without thinking over it that much. Yes, Haru would usually sleep with strangers, but he never invite them to his house. He usually wouldn't call them for the second time. 

Rin was also surprised. "Are you sure that it won't be a problem?" They didn't know each other that well after all. 

Haru nodded his head. "Yes, it won't be a problem." 

They both didn't talk while they were walking to Haru's place. They both were a little nervous, but Rin was too good to hide this. Haru unlocked the door with his shaking hands. Why was he getting excited? Haru went in an took his shoes off. "Suit yourself." He said to Rin. 

Rin nodded his head and followed Haru upstairs. When they reached Haru's room, Rin looked around. It was not like a teenager's bedroom. There weren't posters of his favourite singers or favourite movies. It was a simple room with a bed, a closet and a study desk. There was only one picture. In the picture, Haru must have been four or five. There was a woman by Haru's right side. Rin guessed it was Haru's mother. There was a man by Haru's left side. This man must have been Haru's father. All of them looked so happy. Rin wondered what happened to them, but he knew he shouldn't have asked. 

Haru handed Rin a t-shirt and shorts. "You can change in the bathroom." Haru told Rin where the bathroom was. Rin went to the bathroom and began changing. After he changed he folded his clothes and headed to Haru's room. Haru placed Rin's clothes onto a nightstand. 

"Thanks for the clothes." Rin said to break the silence. 

Haru nodded his head absently. The t-shirt was a little tight for Rin. Haru could see his muscular chest. He looked down quickly. "Haru?" Haru flinched when he heard Rin's voice. "Where should I sleep?" 

"You can sleep here. The couch is not comfortable." Haru said. He couldn't let Rin to sleep in his parents' room. He had never opened that door since they were gone. He had changed while Rin was in the bathroom. He pulled the blanket up and got into the bed. Rin laid next to him. Haru had shared a bed with Makoto before, but this time it was different. 

Haru looked at Rin's profile. Rin was definitely attractive. He had slept with a lot of men, but he didn't feel anything but lust toward them. He never thought calling them ever again, but he felt like Rin was different. They both drifted into a peaceful slumber dreaming about each other. 

* * *

When Haru woke up, he felt the arms around him. He turned around slowly to face Rin. He looked beautiful while he was sleeping. Haru couldn't help himself and ran his hand through Rin's hair. His longish maroon hair was so soft. His muscular arms were around his waist. This was the first time he was in bed with someone and they didn't have sex. 

Rin opened his eyes. Haru looked so beautiful. His black hair was messy and there was a trace on his cheek. Rin couldn't help himself and kissed Haru. He didn't know how Haru was going to react. Probably he would slap him and tell him to go out and never come back ever again. 

Haru was shocked at first, but he eventually kissed back. He liked how Rin's lips were soft. He rolled over and got on top of Rin. If he wanted he could get into Rin's pants at that moment if he wanted, but he didn't want to. He couldn't taint Rin just for his lusty desires. 

After a while they ran out of breath. Haru pulled away. They looked into each other's eyes intensely for a while panting. Haru pushed Rin's hair back and kissed his neck. 'I must stop!' His mind was screaming. He pulled away. 

"If we stay here a little more, we will be late for school," Haru said. Actually he was scared that if they stayed in that room a little more, they might do something which they will be regret later. 

Rin nodded his head and got up. "You are right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter, because I didn't like the former version. I will also keep updating new chapters.


	4. -4-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru takes Rin to somewhere which is so special for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late update!

"Huh?!Who even eats mackerel as breakfast?" Rin asked. He was shocked after he saw Haru was cooking mackerel for the breakfast. It was too oily for starting to a new day. 

"I love mackerel." Haru said simply. 

"It is not my preference for the breakfast." Rin said. 

"Then what would you like to eat?" Haru asked while he was still cooking mackerel. 

"Strawberry pancakes would be great." Rin answered. 

Haru abruptly stopped. Strawberry pancakes... They were his mother's favourite. It had been a long time since he ate or made strawberry pancakes. Rin noticed the change in Haru. "Did I tell something wrong?" 

Haru snapped out of his thoughts. "No... It is not about you." He heard Rin sighed, but he didn't mind. He wouldn't tell what came to his mind to a person he didn't know that much. 'However, you let someone you don't know that much in your house.' 'Shut up.' "Okay, let's make strawberry pancakes then. Can you bring the ingredients?" 

***

"So are we going out this evening?" Rin asked. He couldn't believe that his crush asked him out for the second time. Was he in heaven? Haru didn't tell him where they were going to go and Rin didn't insist. He knew Haru didn't like persistent people. 

Haru chuckled. Rin had asked this couple of times. He was really excited about this and Haru wanted it would be... Special? He knew where he was going to take him. To the place where was special for him. To the place where he never took someone. To the place where he never thought he would take someone and to the place where he hadn't gone for a while... 

***

"We are there." Haru said waking Rin up. 

It was a long drive and Haru told him that it wouldn't be a problem if he would take a nap. Even though Haru was driving, he couldn't help but stared at Rin's profile. He seemed beautiful under the light of setting sun. Haru couldn't help but smile. 

Haru got out of the car first. He was tensed by the memories which were invading into his mind. The memories which made him want to cry... 'No, I won't cry,' he thought to himself. He didn't want to cry in front of Rin. 

Rin woke up and rubbed his eyes. He was astonished by the scene in front of him. The lake looked so beautiful. Although it was not dark yet, the fireflies began to fly around. However, when he saw Haru was standing there motionless, he forgot everything. He wanted to touch Haru's shoulder to comfort him, but his instincts were telling him not to do this. 

"Haruka..." He said with a soft voice. 

Suddenly Haru's expression changed like an accelerated movie scene. The sad teenage boy who was standing there a few seconds ago was gone and an angry boy came. "Don't call me like that ever again!" 

Rin was speechless. What could he have done to make him so angry? "Haru..." He tried to touch him to calm him down, but Haru backed away and didn't let Rin touch him. "Haru, I'm sorry if I did something wrong..." Rin apologize, he was about to burst into the tears. 

Haru calmed down when he saw Rin was about to cry. He ran his hand through his hair. He didn't have any right to get mad at Rin just because he triggered some memories. Rin didn't know any of these after all and it was nonsense to be mad at him for something he didn't know. "I'm sorry..." Haru said. That was all he could say even if it was lame. 

Rin nodded his head showing that he accepted Haru's apology. He did something without really thinking about it that much. He didn't think how Haru would react. He just pulled Haru into a warm embrace. Haru didn't hug him back, but he didn't push him away either. Rin cherished with this feeling. 

This feeling... This feeling was so awkward and strange for Haru. He could barely remember the feeling of being hugged by someone. It was a beautiful feeling... It was too beautiful to be forgotten... In the silence between them their heartbeats could be heard. After a few seconds Haru hugged Rin back. He didn't know this yet, but in the future he was going to remember this moment as the first time when he fell in love with Rin. 

*** 

"I had a great time, thank you Haru," Rin said with a warm smile when Haru took him to Samezuka dorms. 

Haru nodded his head. "Don't mention it." 

"Then can I see you tomorrow?" Rin asked. 

"Sure," Haru said. He waved to Rin before driving to his house. He should have admitted that he had the most amazing time of his life with Rin. Haru felt like he was rescued from the chains of desperation which were holding him tied up his whole life. He felt like the huge stone which was crashing his chest and breaking his bones, scarring his lungs was gone and he could finally breathe. 

'Being free must be something like this.' 

He thought like that because this new feeling was similar to the feeling which he felt in the water. Suddenly his phone buzzed. It was a text from Rin.

_'Good night Haru.'_

Such a simple thing like getting a goodnight text was enough to make Haru's heart skip a beat. Maybe it was because no one had done something like that for him before. After a few seconds of pause Haru could finally write an answer to Rin. 

_'Good night Rin.'_

He put his phone on the bedside table before falling asleep. He had a peaceful slumber dreaming about Rin. 

***

When Rin came back to Samezuka dorm, Sousuke had already came back from his date with Makoto. He took one of his earbuds when he saw Rin. "How did your first date go?" He asked. He was obviously amused when he saw how Rin was blushed when he heard the word 'date'. 

"It was good," Rin said looking away. 

He took his phone out of his pocket. He was not sure if Haru was going to reply, but he wrote a goodnight text to Haru. 

"What are you doing?" Sousuke asked. 

Rin sighed. "I sent him a goodnight text." Sousuke was about to say something but Rin stopped him. He was not in the mood of dealing with Sousuke's jokes at that moment. 

After a while, Rin thought that Haru wasn't going to reply. When he was about the sleep he heard his phone buzzed informing him about he just got a text. His heart began beating like a drum when he saw that the text was from Haru. He also had the most peaceful sleep of his life, dreaming about Haru. 

Haru was not aware yet, but they both were made for each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter edited :3

**Author's Note:**

> What is Borderline Personality Disorder?  
> Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition that starts during the young adulthood, characterized by inconsistencies and sudden impulsive behaviors in relationships with individiuals and self-perception.  
> What are the symptoms?  
> 1\. Fear of abandonment: People with BDP are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.  
> 2\. Unstable relationships: Their relationships mostly short-lived. They may fall in love quickly and are dissappointed quickly. Their relationships either perfect or horrible. There is no middle.  
> 3\. Unclear or shifting self-image: Their sense of self is unstable. Sometimes they feel good about themselves, but other times they hate themselves. They even may see themselves as evil. They are confused about who they are or what they want in life. That's why they frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, goals or sexual orientations.  
> 4\. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors: They may engage in harmful behaviors, especially when they are sad. For example they may spend money they can't afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drug or alcohol.  
> 5\. Self-harm: Self-harm is common for them. Common forms of self-harm are burning and cutting.  
> 6\. Extreme emotional swings: One moment they may feel happy and the other moment. Those mood swings are intense, but they go away quickly. They last only a few minutes or hours.  
> 7\. Chronic feeling of emptiness: They often talk about how they feel empty. They feel like they are nobody and they may try to fill this emptiness with things like drugs, food and sex.  
> 8\. Explosive anger: They may struggle with intense anger and short temper. They can't control their anger. They may start yelling or throwing things. Most of the time they are mad at themselves.  
> 9\. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality: They often struggle with paranoia. When they are under stress, they may even lose their touch with reality and experience dissociation. They may feel foggy, spaced out or as if they are outside of their own body.  
> Treatment?  
> When it comes to Borderline Personality Disorder theraphy is more effective than medication. However, the doctor may think about medication if;  
> \- Someone have been diagnosed with both Borderline Personality Disorder and depression or Bipolar Disorder.  
> \- Someone suffer from panic attacks or severe anxiety  
> \- Someone begin hallucinating or bizarre, paranoid thoughts  
> \- Someone feeling suicidal or at risk of hurting themselves or the others.


End file.
